Dry July is just around the corner. And that means a few of us will be binning the booze in a pledge to go alcohol free.
It can feel strange being the only sober person if your friends are still drinking. However, it’s important to surround yourself with people who have your best interests at heart.
Whether you’re temporarily pressing pause on alcohol or planning to make a long-term commitment, sobriety coach Sarah Rusbatch shares how to tackle those tricky convos.
CHANGING OLD HABITS
Navigating friendships when we make changes in our lives, especially changes that involve some kind of personal growth, can be tricky. And sometimes more so than having to deal with changes in our romantic partnerships.
As women, we are incredibly loyal. We may have friendships we’ve fostered for decades, built on history, shared memories, having children at the same time. We pride ourselves on the longevity of these friendships. Sometimes more so than the actual friendships themselves.
So often I hear women say to me: “We don’t have anything to talk about when we aren’t drinking. But we’ve been friends for 30 years, so I can’t just end it.”
We might feel vulnerable, scared and uncomfortable when we come to this point. And it can cause us to question our decision to be alcohol-free.
We know we are better without it. But we can feel such a deep sense of loyalty to others. I know women who have gone back to drinking to keep their friends happy.
There’s also a fear that we might never make new friends again. So we return to drinking even though we know it doesn’t work for us.
But if we navigate this shift in our old friendships with openness and effort to keep the connection going, a deeper and more authentic connection can be created in a way you would never expect.
We can also make room for new, incredible friendships to form that are relevant to this stage in our lives.
3 WAYS TO TALK ABOUT DRY JULY
For those friendships that we know are worth investing our time in and prioritising while we move through this awkward, clunky stage of sobriety, there are three things to keep in mind.
1. Keep conversations open and honest
Let your closest friends know that their friendship and support mean the world to you – especially during tough times like these. Check in how it has been for them with you not drinking (like we do with our partners).
Understand that they’ll also be managing tricky emotions while we go through this huge transition. Keep the lines of communication open and honest.
2. Prioritise doing fun things together
Don’t just meet in bars and watch them get sloshed while you sip your Diet Coke. Meet for walks, activities, coffee, live events or plan things to do together that you both enjoy.
3. Know (and set) your own boundaries, particularly early on
For me, in the early days of sobriety, going to big events such as concerts, weddings, birthday parties and holidays all felt way too difficult and overwhelming to navigate without a drink in hand. Nowadays though, I look forward to them even more because I know that I will remember them, and not feel like sh*te the next day. (And yes, I do get on that dance floor and shake my booty while I’m sober! It has taken time to get to that point but slowly my sober confidence has grown!)
HOW TO PARTY SOBER DURING DRY JULY
Take baby steps at first when navigating bigger events. Take alcohol-free drinks if you can – which aren’t just limited to Coca-Cola! There are plenty of alcohol-free options for beer, wine and even gin.
They have saved me so many times. More places are starting to stock alcohol-free drinks as sales of these are rising – yay!
Plan what you will say if someone asks you why you’re not drinking or what you would like to drink. Know that you don’t have to over-explain, especially to people you don’t know well.
And be clear on when you’ll leave the event and how. I also find it really helps to have something planned out if you do leave early once everyone else is drunk.
Some ideas might be an early morning yoga class or run, brekkie with a friend or the family or a sunrise beach walk where you can reflect on how great you feel.
Whether you’re sober curious, ready to fully commit to giving up alcohol for good or just prepping for Dry July, Sarah’s book Beyond Booze is a great resource to have by your side. Buy it here.
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